On desire and deprivation, fear and confidence...

I never understood Lent.  I didn’t grow up Catholic but grew up knowing the Bible thru and thru and never did learn or see the point or purpose of depriving yourself of something you enjoyed.

I am starting to get the “why” now, and not by choice.  I am careful in writing this because I don’t want to sound like I learned this because I’m an amazing person.  It’s not like I enjoy “depriving” myself.  (insert eye roll to myself here)

I came upon this out of necessity.

Two years ago, I started an elimination diet due to high histamine reactions to nearly all foods.  I went to a 99% beef diet.  I still had mold free, fresh ground black coffee every morning, potatoes when I just “needed” something, and an occasional clean-ingredient gin and tonic.  That’s literally all I ate for 1.5 years til I discovered sheep cheese and added that in too!

As I’ve written about in prior posts, my health changes were monumental and life changing.  It truly didn’t feel like I was “depriving” myself because I felt so much better every moment of the day!

This summer, I read “The Almanack of Naval Ravikant”.  I still have it handy to pick up on a daily basis because it is chock-full of gems.

In it, he speaks about the source of unhappiness being desire.  He says, “Happiness is what’s there when you remove the sense that something is missing in your life.”  And “Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.”  To paraphrase, if you’re unhappy, consider what it is that you’re desiring and not getting.  And, to be happy, eliminate desire.  Or as he says, “Happiness is being satisfied with what you have.” 

He went on to say, “In any situation in life, you always have three choices: you can change it, you can accept it, or you can leave it.  If you want to change it, then it is a desire.  It will cause you suffering until you successfully change it.  So don’t pick too many of those.  Pick one big desire in your life at any given time to give yourself purpose and motivation.”


I mulled over this all summer.  Every time I felt a nagging bit of unhappiness, I would instantly question myself, “What is it that I want and am not getting?”  Usually, I was able to identify what it was that was missing and either release the desire, or the knowledge of it would motivate me to do something about the issue.

Fast forward to Lymestop treatment 1 month ago, which included parasite, SIBO and candida treatment (see other posts for more info).  After treatment, I needed to go at least 2 weeks without coffee, alcohol, potatoes or sheep cheese, the 4 things I would eat besides beef, albeit very occasionally on the potatoes and alcohol.  Now THAT was hard.  I did feel deprived to only be eating beef.  I did it for 3 weeks, and I learned even more emphatically how to deal with desire.

I learned that just because we desire something doesn’t mean we NEED it.  I learned that I am ok and will be ok with just the barest of essentials.  What I truly NEED vs what I want are waaaay different things.  I actually did just fine on the beef only diet.  I did an organic black tea to wean me slowly off the 3 cups of coffee I had been drinking each day and easily went to the point where I didn’t even need or want the tea anymore.  I learned that my cravings eventually just went away.  In fact, introducing some new, very healthy foods since then has only made my cravings more intense and I am seriously considering going back to just beef for another few weeks because life just got that much simpler and easier.

During this same time period, I also started a half hour meditation every morning, mostly due to Naval’s influence on Tim Ferris’ podcast.  I had resisted it for so long because I didn’t see the point and it seemed like a waste of my valuable, limited time.  Once I started, I found that the point became that it is a spiritual DISCIPLINE and a form of self care.  I could write a whole other post on this topic, and probably will, but for now I will just say it has been life changing and I wake up in the morning excited to do my 15-30 minutes of meditation.

In what became not only physical disciplines but also spiritual disciplines, I gained confidence.  I faced some of my irrational fears… I know now that I can survive with very little, so that removed the fear of financial strain and loss.  I know that I would be just fine in solitary confinement, not that I have much likelihood of that happening, but it is still nice to know that me and just my thoughts alone for long periods of time is actually a wonderful experience, and not something to be feared. 

Onward and upward my friends.  We have so much to experience and to learn in this short life!

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